Satire booming, though

So we’re in a recession but some comedians are having a field day. Like Mark Steel here and here.

the issue of compensation when it comes to characters like Fred Goodwin, who’ve been removed from their posts at the bank. The debate about how much these people should pay us for robbing the place dry would keep the country engrossed for years.

And:

I’m not sure what makes it official that the recession’s started, but one way of measuring the start is when the government first insists there ARE lots of vacancies, but the unemployed need to be more flexible, and better at applying for jobs, as Gordon Brown stated this week.(…)

but never a truer word spoken than in jest (or whatever the quote is):

perhaps anyone who finds themselves unemployed, or homeless or otherwise broke as a result of this recession, should march to the House of Commons and announce “I demand to be nationalised. Bail me out for a million and I can carry on, because if I go under, who knows WHAT I might bring down with me.”

Anti-bailout protest in Edinburgh this Friday

I received this in an email:

Economic Crisis Demonstration
Edinburgh Friday 24th. Gather from 5pm.
An act of mass public expression against the deepening economic crisis, dodgy bailout, and the severe lack of economic assistance for ordinary people, is set to happen in Edinburgh City Centre at 5pm on Friday 24th of October.

We are paying £537bn to bail out the banks, 5 times the annual spending on the NHS. Our jobs, homes, wages and public services are all at risk from this economic crisis. People are rightly demanding – “Where is OUR bail-out?
Gather from 5pm: HBOS headquarters, top of the mound, near the High Court.

People can then write down their anger, worries, and *demands*, and deposit them in a large black box. The demonstration will then proceed down the royal mile to parliament, where the box will be delivered.

More: http://scotland.indymedia.org/node/11396

“Some contrition” but bigger pensions

Never mind the “no bonuses” posturing, look at the figures.

Just in case anyone thinks that Sir Fred Whatshisface of RBS and Andy Hornbyrailway of HBOS have been punished in some way:

Sir Fred said he would waive his right to a £1.2m payoff when he leaves, but he will be entitled to an annual pension £579,000.

Yeah, I think I’d not cry too much over losing my bonus if I could console myself with the thought that every year for the rest of my life I’d get given more money than most people make in their lifetimes.

That and more handy figures to wave at anyone who thinks you should have sympathy for these parasites came from here.

You just gave your bank £500

The only stocks they should let bankers near

So according to the FT lady, governments now realise it’s not a “liquidity crisis” (the money is there just… not… quite… yet…) like has been claimed.

It’s a “solvency crisis” (yeah I could pay you the money but I promised Lou, and Tony Fingers, and the VAT man).

The bail-outs will not prevent an economic slowdown. Nor will they avert further (and necessary) deleveraging. Equity markets could stay jittery for some time as debt-laden countries and companies writhe in pain. Financial Times

I (and you) now own RBS and HBOS. Great. What does that mean? With RBS, it means taking on their share of the £360 billion of unpaid Lehman Brothers debt that came due last Friday, sparking the most recent panic. With HBOS, all those overpriced mortgages that people soon won’t be able to pay.

Is this the end? Hell no. Remember Washington Mutual (no me neither). Their unpaid debt is going to divided up on October 23rd. That will load more debt onto the banking system. Now, that debt is yours.

A bailout to the tune of ~£37 billion, that’s more than £500 for each person in the UK, on my envelope. What do I get for that?

• the banks don’t collapse – so all our debt still exists
• Gordon says “they won’t be micromanaging” them – No, why would you want a say in what you just bought for more than Scotland’s GDP.
• Maintain lending levels to homeowners & small businesses for 3 years – yep, keep the charade going till after the next election. Smart, eh. “Credit got us into this mess, and credit will get us out of it!”
• Why did we get rid of the stocks? I mean the real ones. That’s where Sir Fred and friends should be headed…

George B recapitalises a bank

No-one knows what causes the run, the rich man “guarantees” everyone’s money if you give it over to him, and George ends up “re-capitalising” it with the money that was supposed to be for his honeymoon.

Any similarities to future events are purely coincidental…

Recapitalise me, I will help the economy

So there’s a financial crisis and the US government just handed over $700 billion to the people who created the mess. And it hasn’t worked.

You’re giving the money to the wrong people.These guys take home $300M, no wonder they’re not bothered. But the solution is here: Pay off the debts of everyone else.

Why? Follow these steps:

• I’m in debt too!
• Nobody gives me credit anymore.
• I’m cutting down on my spending.
• Consumer spending keeps the economy afloat
• My debt is a lot less than the banks’ and I haven’t “leveraged” it against anything
• Millions of other people in the UK are in the same boat
• There’s no point guaranteeing our savings, you need to get us spending again

You see?

If the UK government and the Bank of England are going to keep handing over chunks of £40 billion in public funds to the banks because they don’t trust each other any more, then the least they can do is pass me £20,000 to get me economically active again, no?

OK, so it might cost the GRI a new dialysis machine, but the economy will be saved!